Sadia Sanjida

Attitude

Life never went in my favor

Being flexible, twisting myself

With all the weight pressed on my shoulders

You’ve discouraged me, took my strength

Drained my worlds colors, took my emotions

Nothing left but a bad expression

désolé, but I don’t regret any of it

Hurt me once, I tried to learn

Hurt me twice, and this time it burned

They ask me what have you brought to the table

And my hands clear, soul empty, there I turned

A familiar glare, I brought this attitude

Can you feel the pain in my voice

The darkness under my eyes

Adrenaline, blood flowing

Paleness in my lips

Thalassemia, white nails

Yet I can still make this face

You want skinny waist, 20 inches

I’ll get ready, give me twenty minutes

I’ll cover it all up. Concealer, lipstick

Red nails, louboutin heels

Hiding all my pain, facing all these conflicts

Put on this fake smile, and there it’s all fixed

Could have been a nice weekend

Instead I bled again, heart wrapped, trying to mend

Words cut deeper than knives when your brain can’t comprehend

Left speechless at times, waiting for it to end

Say those tears were from the wind, all i could do was pretend

They’ll say look at the dress, who you trying to impress

Look at that face, isn’t that a mess? And what about the rest

Act your age, act like a girl, left me suppressed

Life full of stress, what’s left to confess, I’m depressed

Good for nothing daughter, cause you’re useless

I’d scroll through posts, see all those faces bright

Wondering about my time, when’s my spotlight

But you’ve already given it, when you called me out

Oh she’s so careless, what comes out of her mouth

And I’d lose it, impatience prevailing me

Eyebrows raised, judging you, breathing heavily

Look at my eyes and tell me what you see

One step forward and my lips extracting

My tongue moving once more and there you have it

And I went to bed grounded, got lectured

That attitude got me messed up, again and again

Doesn’t even matter, life is dystopian

Turns out it's my fault for being human

say you want that skinny waist, hourglass figure

looking at this weight, not a three digit number

so much to cover, scars left to tell the story of another--

--time, been through this acid rain, near the terrain

and ashes, in masses, for this nation to remain

and they'll say the same, got this endless pain

not much to gain, all this is lame, so much to complain

the fact that i brought this up brought you shame

muscles contracting, blue purple veins, held me in chains

but i’ll give you this, just hold my champagne

fire in my eyes, bright red did you ever see the flame?

Too much of these expectations, stop all this blame

left me hanging, didn’t want this picture to frame

look what you’ve done, now I’m all insane

They don’t see the scars I carry so deep,

The nights I’ve cried and couldn’t sleep.

Assert dominance, wear my heels even if i bleed

Cause it could never hurt more than the way you’ve hurt me

I fake my smile, pretend I’m fine,

They don’t see what’s locked in my mind,

The pain I hide, look deep inside, the wounds you’ll find,

I’ve been pushed aside, abandoned, and left behind

I’ve seen enough, so I’m breaking this silence

Cause I’m not blind, I know it's all lies

And yet still, I love you, not sure why

I know you’ve heard this story, don’t deny

But you haven’t seen it survive -- live on and thrive

So I’ll give you this attitude, won’t be shy

Cause this attitude is who I define

____________________________________________________________________

Words from the Author:

Attitude

“This poem depicts childhood/teenage experiences, especially in Asian households. Lots of people experience these hardships, where they're put into unrealistic expectations, and forced to fit in the standards of such a judgmental society. This poem showcases the struggles of an older teenage Asian girl, or possibly a new adult, and how her life seems to be full of high expectations and burdens. She is described as describing me but the poem shows the theme indirectly. Although a lot of the time the smile is fake, our words and eyes are left with that “attitude”, often stereotypical, but in this case describes myself. Her struggles go deeper, but she keeps fighting. This poem is really significant because I relate personally and I think this is relatable to many Asians during their childhood and it's something they've faced and fought to overcome.”

Dandelion

It’s that time of the year again

You’re so small, so delicate in a world so incredibly huge

I wonder what you see, wonder what you hope to be

The wind leaves no mercy

But you’re just trying to grasp the earth

Long to stay, but you’re destined to leave

But your departure will be a memory

In a wonder and happiness of a child so small

Eyes big and wide, reflecting at the sky

And at last you’re blown, as you rise

In the midst of day, swiftly flying away

And I know you’re scared, holding on tight

So dear little one listen, I’ll whisper to you

“It’ll be okay, just let the wind lead your way

You’ll explore the world, find a place of your own

No need to fear, let go now dear

And you’ll discover how big the world really is”

And you fly so very high, over the skies

Over mountains and valleys blanketed in green

Where rivers flow, and forests hum lullabies

Past rooftops where lanterns flicker

Gardens with roses red and white towards a fading light

The sky melts into warm fire, a beautiful sunset

To which the wind blows harder, and you go on further

And you’re amazed, oh what beauty and wonder

And at last you’ve found your place, go and settle

Snowflakes drifting down and wrapping you in white

But don’t worry love, I’ll find you again

In a spring all blooming, the earth awakening in the midst of day

Clear endless sky, and you’ve grown and lived a life

Here the welcoming wind and you’ll whisper to another--

“Don’t worry dear dandelion, just let go”

_________________________________________________________

Dandelion

“On the positive end, you look back to memories of childhood. A simple Dandelion is such a beautiful symbol of childhood and it reminds you of childhood, the young days and some may have even experienced this. It also indirectly references the fear of letting go, but it truly can take you to better places. As a kid, if you got the chance, blowing dandelion seeds is very much fun, but have you ever thought about where the dandelion goes off to? This creates much more imagery, the dandelion having an adventure of its own. This poem is inspired by a book I read when I was really young. I lost the book, but it was titled ‘Dandelion’ and this poem is similar to the story depicted. The book was mostly full of pictures, showing the beauty of the world, and I was so amazed because the artwork was so beautiful. But the story here remains the same and I think that’s beautiful as well.”